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A personal boundary is a precious thing, laid down to protect oneself, and serves the additional purpose of furthering healthy, happy, trusting relationships. To those who love and respect you, "Please don't do X" is a line chiseled stone: clear and unmovable. To those who don't love or respect you, and don't know how to put the needs of others before their own, "Please don't do X" is a rickety line hastily drawn in the sand with a long-discarded piece of driftwood; this delineation lives a short life, waiting to be washed away by the rising tides or wasted away by Atlantic winds. These people don't know how to love; they are too lazy and self-centered to adhere to the heart-wishes of others.
After a boundary has been repeatedly crossed, and I feel the fracture in my chest crackling and spreading like the arms growing from a the chip in a windshield, I angrily wonder about the boundary-crosser: are you an asshole or are you just an idiot? Laziness is a form of inconsideration, and inconsideration is a passive form of assholery. Is it so hard to hold your tongue, to not send that text or email, to not act on a desire of your own, in order to protect your relationship? You expect respect from others, but think you hold some sort of sacred privilege that guards you from having to follow the social rules that the rest of us (peasants, in your eyes) must follow? The only thing that makes you special is your spectacular ability to be a jerk, and even that isn’t terribly uncommon.
Now the empathetic
look: are you just an idiot? I hate to think of anyone as being
dumb, but then, the word idiot holds a different meaning than just “dumb”
to me. As someone who is often the dumbest person in the room, I
honestly can say, that I at least work to try and grasp the meaning of
things. I have a sense of curiosity, and am willing to pause my
stubbornness in order to gain empathy and openness to ideas, provided
they can be supported by verifiable evidence. I want to get along
with people, and will try my hardest to do so, as long as I’m not
expected to become a human doormat and oust my ideals and sense of
ethics. Yes, I’m not the brightest person, but I am not, however,
an idiot (usually).
An idiot is someone unwilling to think or consider; they, like most everyone have the capacity to open their minds, but simple don’t feel like it. They make grave errors in judgment because they are too lazy, or resistant to taking a moment to think about the words or actions they are about to say or do. They live in the bubble of their own mind, cozy and warm, surrounded by the comfort of their own ideas, affirmed by the irrational words of like-minded individuals. They are idiots because they are too comfortable to move an inch outside of themselves.
I don’t need empty declarations of love, I, like every other person, need to feel respected. We as humans need to have our boundaries observed and honored, because we deserve to live a dignified, peaceful life. So the question is, will I, will you, will they, choose to be an asshole, an idiot, or will we choose to be people who gives true love to those around us?
